About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
