so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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