Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How does one acquire holy water?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
