what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
