I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
