He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
