Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
