I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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