my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
