sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
