Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
