I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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