so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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