Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
