They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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