The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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