He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
