that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
