isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
