I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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