i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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