he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
