Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
