I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
