My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You're like the curious george of whores
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
