Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
