Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
