We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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