It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
