very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
