we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
