I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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