hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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