I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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