Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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