dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
