he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
