i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
