yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
