So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
