well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
