Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
