we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
