well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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