all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
