I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
