He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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