You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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