I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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