I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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