Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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