Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
