he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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