There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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