You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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