Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
