Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
