I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
