EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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