I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
