yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
