saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have aggressive nipples.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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