Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You've changed since you got that strap on
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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